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RIVERA IS NOT AN EX-PARROT
As you probably know from every sports information source this side of Pravda, Mariano Rivera is experiencing some kind of shoulder problem and has been sent off to the medics. Joe Girardi said that Rivera had a "cranky body." When reports asked him what the heck "cranky" meant, Girardi denied that "cranky" had any further implications.

Subsequently, Brian Cashman was quite candid when asked what was going on with Rivera: his shoulder is sore. Confronted with this, Girardi continued to insist that Rivera was not sore, merely cranky. At this point, the story begins to sound like the, "He's not dead, he's resting" phase of Monty Python's classic "Dead Parrot" sketch.

Beyond the implications for Rivera's future, which are still unknown according to Cashman, the story is now about Girardi: A) if Rivera was indeed "cranky," wouldn't a manager who was on the ball have some curiosity about what that meant, and B) assuming Girardi did take that next step and ask, "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Mariano?" why would he feel that he has to lie about it? Bonus question C): Why has he been lying about injuries all season long?

Maybe Girardi thinks that it somehow helps the team to turn every injury into a referendum on his own capacity for honesty rather than a discussion of the injury itself, but that seems like a truly dubious notion given that the lies become transparently obvious as player after player hits the disabled list. I have written before that the litmus test for Girardi should be how his team performs, not how he relates to the press. There are some good things for Girardi to point to in this misbegotten season, principally the restructuring of the bullpen, but this reflexive need to mislead when it comes to the condition of his players only serves to undermine confidence in his leadership. It could be that dishonesty and insecurity are not impediments to a rational decision-making process in baseball, but it seems unlikely.

Either way, the story is now about Girardi rather than Rivera, and it's going to be a much longer winter than if it were the other way around.

And let us conclude by saying that though Rivera has had a terrific year, though he is a class act and an automatic Hall of Famer, though it is a pleasure watching him pitch, though losing him for any length of time next year would be a blow, it's the kind of loss that the Yankees could sustain.

PAVANO: THE FINAL, FATAL LINE
The totals for four years as a Yankee:

Money well spent, that.

THE AROUND (AND ABOUT)
• When you surf to a web page and a full-page commercial pops up before you get there, do you ever not click the "skip this ad" button? Do those things serve any purpose but to be spectacularly annoying? I cannot recall a single one of the commercials in those pages, so if they're supposed to be effective simply because I saw it and was irritated by it, it's not working.

• Congratulations to Mark Reynolds on finally pushing the single-season strikeout record past the double-100 mark. He's now at 201 and counting. No doubt Ty Cobb is rolling around in his grave, but Reynolds has actually had a decent year... I'm going to be staring at that number all winter. Yes, I'm a geek. Proud, too. Now pass me some s'mores and my Superman comic books.

• Terrific finish to the season by Jon Lester of the Red Sox (16-6, 3.21). Someday a young Yankees lefty will have a season like that.

• Micah Hoffpauir of the Cubs is a 28-year-old journeyman, but I guess sometimes a .362/.393/.752 line at Triple-A means exactly what it says, if only for a moment or a month.

• During spring training, a huge Kaz Matsui fan accosted me and several other BP writers, insisting that Matsui was a misunderstood great. We dismissed him with extreme prejudice. Well, he gets the last laugh, sort of. Matsui won't have played in even 100 games by the time it's all over, but at .297/.357/.431 and 20 stolen bases in 25 attempts, he was... decent. Or "decent-er" than we suggested he would be. One of those times I'm glad to be wrong. It's never (or rarely) about not liking a player in any personal sense, it's just what your analysis tells you is the most likely outcome.

• I ripped Ryan Braun for his weak September yesterday and he responded with a walk-off grand slam last night. If any of you could help me prove a cause-and-effect relationship there, the Brewers might put me on the payroll. Thanks in advance.

• A 2-for-3 for the underrated Mike Napoli last night to continue his terrific month, and Vlad Guerrero seems to be heating up just in time for October.

• With a postseason berth clinched, I wonder which Dodger Joe Torre lets manage the last game of the season? And while we're on the subject, congratulations to Uncle Joe.

• Barry Zito finishes up 10-17, 5.15. Given where he started, that's almost a triumph.

MORE FROM ME
Remember that even as the Yankees' season winds down we'll be here all winter long, five days a week, doing the hot stove thing, discussing the latest moves and rumors, plus the usual dose of whatever-I-can-think-of. So don't go away — the fun is just starting as we continue the great argument that has been our subject for close to 10 years now — the art of winning baseball at the major league level.

Since last time at Wholesome Reading: much reaction to the Palin-Couric interview, with about three too many references to Jack Kirby and the Red Skull; following the bouncing McCain; why turning on the TV can be a bad idea. I'll be updating all weekend long as events warrant, including no doubt copious reaction to Friday night's debate, so drop by. Warning: Politics, so hide the kiddies.

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Thursday, September 25: Posted at 3:31 p.m. EST

EMPTY GESTURES AND HEROIC LEADERSHIP
The Yankees announced yesterday that they were suspending their campaign for the American League pennant due to the dire state of the economy. "This is not the time for partisan attempts to win baseball games," said Hank Steinbrenner. "I have called Commissioner Selig and suggested that the World Series be postponed or canceled altogether until we have come up with a solution that unequivocally fixes everything."

When it was pointed out to Mr. Steinbrenner that the Yankees had already been eliminated from pennant consideration, he replied, "Yeah, so?"

Asked for a comment, team captain Derek Jeter said, "Huh?"

ONE AREA I OVERLOOKED...
...In yesterday's Pinstriped Bible, which was devoted to suggestions for getting the Yankees back to the postseason, I said they needed defense. I mentioned briefly where Bobby Abreu was concerned, but failed to address it as a team-wide problem. The Yankees rank twelfth in the American League in converting balls in play into outs. It's not that they're butterfingers; the Yanks have allowed fewer runs on errors than any team in the league, and the fourth-fewest in baseball overall. The problem is that they just don't catch a lot of balls. This has a distorting effect on the entire pitching staff, as playable balls fall for hits. The most obvious areas for upgrade are first base, where Jason Giambi has done better than expected but still has almost no range, and the aforementioned Abreu Zone, where the incumbent right fielder reacts to every fly ball with existential terror. It always seems as if long, long ago, as a child, he heard Jerry Coleman's famous call of Dave Winfield going back on the ball, "Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall, and it rolls off! It's rolling all the way back to second base! This is a terrible thing for the Padres!" and no one ever told him it wasn't real. Maybe the next time Winfield is around the team the Yankees could have him introduce himself to Abreu and explain that it was all a misunderstanding.

The outfield defensive alignment as a whole is actually a problem. Johnny Damon isn't up to playing center field anymore, though he showed fine range in right field. Xavier Nady is not very rangy regardless of which corner he plays. Melky Cabrera was a defensive asset, but his bat isn't up to playing. Brett Gardner has seemed very, very good in his abbreviated showcase in the central pasture.

The good news is that first base should be easily improved by almost any acquisition the Yankees make; it will get better by a little or a lot depending on who they put there, but it will get better regardless. If next year's outfield configuration is Damon-Gardner/Cabrera-Nady it seems like it would be marginally better as well. We'll see.

THE AROUND (AND ABOUT)
• Back surgery for Todd Helton is around the corner. The Rockies have him under contract for another 12 years, give or take. Sad to see such a good hitter brought low. His is a very similar story to Don Mattingly's, with the caveat that Mattingly playing in Colorado in the 2000s instead of Yankee Stadium in the 1980s would have put up better numbers.

• On the Mattingly front, J.T. Snow, one of the first basemen blocked by Mattingly will come out of retirement for a day to re-retire with the Giants. Naming first basemen who were forced out of the Yankees organization by Mattingly is a fun little trivia game. The list includes Steve Balboni, Orestes Destrada, Hal Morris, and Snow. The list of catchers the Yankees traded during Yogi Berra's career is a harder test.

• Is Matt Holiday playing hurt? He's hit .227/.320/.333 in September, his first bad stretch all year.

• Livan Hernandez is 13-11 with a 6.05 ERA and approximately 29 hits allowed per nine innings pitched. He's a living example of why wins are a poor way to evaluate pitchers.

• At .398/.491/.757 through 50 games, Manny Ramirez is almost certainly the greatest midseason acquisition ever. The question here is, is this just a hot streak or are we seeing a motivated Ramirez for the first time in his career?

• Angels' catcher Mike Napoli since coming off the disabled list: .359/.469/.718, including .413 with five homers this month. He's a member of the Junior Posada Brigade, but he needs to stay healthy.

• One of the many reasons to admire Mike Scioscia is that even though shortstop Erick Aybar has theoretical base-stealing speed, his Minor League record shows that he has no ability to steal bases (kind of a Bernie Williams situation, but worse). Some managers would have let Aybar keep trying, but Scioscia has limited him to eight attempts.

• One more strikeout and Mark Reynolds makes it to 200 — where no man has gone before.

• Randy Wolf's 12-12, 4.30 and strong finish for the Astros will probably be enough tog et him a good free agent deal in the offseason, though it has been five years since he was healthy and relatively effective over a full season. He might be an interesting #4 or #5 for a Yankees team that could use a lefty starter. Just a random thought, not necessarily an endorsement... That's in an non-Sabathia world, you understand.

• Ryan Braun has really failed to perform this month, batting .207/.296/.299. It's like he's drinking from the Cup of Cano.

• The guy with the leaf blower just outside my window is making it very, very difficult to complete this column. I'm thinking of dropping something heavy on him.

• My pal Cliff Corcoran has a good comment and thread on classic baseball songs at the indispensibleBronx Banter.

MORE FROM ME
I try to figure out who the Mets should pitch Saturday in today's New York Sun.

Since last time at Wholesome Reading: lots of reaction to McCain's Operation Shutdown, with more to come on the bailout agreement. As if you couldn't tell, warning: politics.

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Monday, September 22: Posted at 9:36 p.m. EST

THIS COULD BE THE LAST TIME, BABY, I DON'T KNOW
The Yankees' farewell to the House that Ruth Built was a generally well-executed affair with some odd oversights. The review of history was terrific, the use of historical actors a great touch, something I had suggested in these pages going back to last year. Almost everyone who should have been there and could have been there was there or was acknowledged — with some notable exceptions. The first odd touch would be inconsequential had it not demonstrated a disregard or ignorance of the very history the Yankees were trying to celebrate. That was the inclusion of Hal Chase in the first base video montage. Chase was a Highlander/Yankee from 1905 through the first 39 games of the 1913 season, which not only means he never played in Yankee Stadium, he barely played for the Yankees at the Polo Grounds. More to the point, it is reasonably certain that he never even set foot in Yankee Stadium, because after 1919, Chase, a known gambler and thrower of games who had played a shadowy role in the 1919 World Series fix, who had been traded from the Yankees in part due to these activities, was no longer welcome around major league ballparks and mostly restricted his activities to his native California and other points west. His inclusion, which probably barely registered, was an insult to all the honest ballplayers in attendance.

More significantly, there was the decision to ignore the managers, perhaps pointedly done so as to avoid giving Joe Torre any kind of acknowledgment. There was the strange decision to follow the actors who portrayed the Stadium's first lineup not with the manager that day, Miller Huggins, but with actors playing Joe McCarthy and Casey Stengel. It was highly gratifying to see number 37 on parade once more, and it was something Casey would have loved; he wanted his number to live on, or at least that's what he said. That was it, though, for the skippers. There was no managers montage. Billy Martin was acknowledged as a player, though his video introduction included some characteristic dirt-kicking footage. There was no Mighty Mite Huggins, no Bucky Harris, Ralph Houk, Bob Lemon, Dick Howser, Buck Showalter, or Torre. Torre, who was railroaded out of town, has apparently been Stalinized — or maybe he has committed the ultimate crime, getting the last laugh. He's likely going back to the postseason while the Yankees go home.

Some other notes and observations:
• Many observers have noted the omission of Roger Clemens, so we'll let that one rest for the time being. • Willie Randolph's slide into second base was a whimsical touch, or maybe he just wanted to manufacture an eBay-ready collectible. Either way, if he had been this playful as Mets manager, he might still be there. Instead he was dour-post-Mets Yankees seems like post-angelic intervention Jimmy Stewart in "It's a Wonderful Life." Maybe managing wasn't for him, or, and this is a more likely possibility, managing in the Mets organization wasn't for him.

• Letting Joe Girardi run onto the field as one of the team's great catchers was an act of smoke-blowing that didn't make anyone look good. There have been four great catchers in Yankees history: Bill Dickey, Yogi Berra, Thurman Munson, and Jorge Posada. There is a second group of catchers like Wally Schang, and even Pudge Rodriguez, who had great careers but didn't do their best work for the Yankees. A third group would include catchers like Mike Stanley, who didn't play for the Yankees for that long but were terrific while they were here. In 1993 and 1994, Stanley hit as well as any Yankees catcher ever had. Sending Girardi out on the field was a bit like sending out Buddy Rosar or Charlie Silvera... Except Rosar and Silvera were better hitters than Girardi.

• Even a pretend Joe DiMaggio should have objected to standing next to a pretend Casey Stengel. Those two greats did not like each other, though each was publicly deferential to the other's position.

In all, it was a touching evening, with Derek Jeter's salute to the fans the perfect capper. Now the rest of the season is an anticlimax — thanks, MLB schedulers! It would have been better had Jeter's words been the last we heard from the Yankees this season, see ya next spring. Now we get a vestigial tail's-worth of road games. As for the battered old Stadium itself, no sentimentality here, or only a little. It had seen much history, but all things must pass and its day had come. It was cramped, dark, and occasionally dangerous. It was built (and remodeled) with very little thought given to crowd control or accommodating the masses it regularly attracted. In this regard, it was inadequate in nearly every aspect of its design. It's time to have a building that doesn't treat its customers like cattle being shunted up and down ramps to the abattoir.

Now, if you can't even afford to be cattle in the new edifice, well, the market has a way of taking care of those things, as does the inevitable, universal law of conservation, which says, "Got what you wanted/lost what you had." The economy is in shambles and likely to get worse before it gets better. If the Yankees have overplayed their hand on pricing and the reduction of seats available to we plebeians, we'll know it in a few years, after the initial novelty of Stadium II has worn off. Stay tuned, and be patient.

CANNING CANO
Last week in the New York Sun I wrote, "You will almost certainly start to hear the call-in shows receive brilliant suggestions along the lines of, "This winter the Yankees should trade Robinson Cano for a stud lefty pitcher along the lines of mid-career Steve Carlton and sign free agent Orlando Hudson." It was suggested that giving up on Cano at the nadir of his value in favor of this kind of scenario would be a bad idea. Yesterday, my Baseball Prospectus colleague John Perrotto reported:

The Yankees are expected to re-sign right-hander Mike Mussina to a one-year contract as a free agent, and to also make a pitch for Diamondbacks second baseman Orlando Hudson. That would allow them to trade second baseman Robinson Cano, possibly to the Dodgers.

I don't know how many of you were around for the 1980s, but the 2000s are shaping up as 1980s II. Hudson has been great for the Diamondbacks the last three years and is a terrific fielder, but he turns 31 in December, is currently recuperating from a broken wrist-about the worst injury a hitter can have short of decapitation-and isn't the hitter he's appeared to be for Arizona. Consider these splits:

It seems likely that as a Yankee, Hudson would produce at about the level he did for the Blue Jays: .270/.328/.418. That's better than what Cano did this year, but a discount on the 2005-2007 Cano, and it assumes that the wrist is going to let him hit. Perhaps Cano's preparation has slipped to the point that the Yankees have to get rid of him, perhaps the Dodgers, not the most savvy organization in the world, would give up a major prospect for him, but unless the stars are aligned perfectly the Yankees could get badly bitten in pursuing this scenario.

THE AROUND (AND ABOUT)
• You've seen Robinson Cano cited as the most disappointing player in baseball this season. No way. Compared to Dontrelle Willis (0-2, 10.61 ERA) he's just been a little off. Willis could just be outright, stick a fork in him, done at 26.

• Headline at MLB.com: "Francona prepared for any scenario." Okay, Terry. Say a bear comes at you, a grizzly bear, and he's carrying a knife in one paw and a hand grenade in the other. What do you do then, huh?

• Mark Kotsay for Boston: .209/.284/.313. Acquiring him wasn't a bad idea, but it hasn't worked out. The Sox had to try something with J.D. Drew down with a herniated disc in his back, but both Coco Crisp and Jacoby Ellsbury have been hitting well of late, so they and Jason Bay should make up the postseason outfield if all are healthy...

• The Astros need to stop whining. Sorry about the act of God, fellows, but how do you explain the rest of the season? "You make your own luck. Some people will have bad luck their whole lives." — Casey Stengel

• Headline at Mlb.com: "Larkin has been huddling with Bowden." TMI, guys... Barry Larkin doesn't become eligible for the Hall of Fame until the 2010 election. It seems like he's been retired forever, but he's just been in Washington. I assume the voters are going to make him wait, but he should be an easy yes...

• The series of the week in the American League has to be White Sox at Twins, starting on Tuesday. The matchups: Javier Vazquez against Scott Baker; Mark Buehrle versus Nick Blackburn; Gavin Floyd versus Kevin Slowey. The Twins are 2.5 games back of the White Sox, three out in the loss column. Chicago's magic number is five, so they could wrap up their postseason spot right here, or make the last series of the season, the Royals at home for the Twins, the Indians at home for the White Sox, interesting. Do or die time for the Twinkies, who have been letting the Pale Hose get away with some indifferent play. Key fact that probably doesn't matter: the White Sox are 35-43 on the road, the Twins 49-26 at home.

• Speaking of the White Sox, where the heck was Paul Konerko hiding? He killed the Sox all season, but has really come on down the stretch. He hit .333/.483/.591 last month, .298/.353/.660 this month.

• I guess when the friendly INS guys are involved, you don't take any chances and drive from Pittsburgh to New York in a yellow cab.

• Can't be fun for the Cardinals when the Cubs start a lineup of bench players and Minor Leaguers and win handily. Forty thousand came out to Wrigley and saw a win, so they probably weren't too bummed that the home lineup was something out of a spring training B game. Professionalism would demand that the Cubs play their best lineup against the Mets this week. We'll see.

• While thinking about Miguel Cairo just now, and inevitably John Sterling's praise thereof, I had a sudden olfactory memory of maple syrup. I'm sure those two things are related.

• Another great start for Jamie Moyer. In his major league debut, against the Phillies, the opposing starter was Steve Carlton. Two other Hall of Famers were in that game, Mike Schmdit for the Phils and Ryne Sandberg for the Cubbies.

• As well as things have been going for Joe Torre lately, don't you wonder if sometimes he looks out at Angel Berroa and thinks to himself, "I used to have Derek Jeter."

MORE FROM ME Since last time at Wholesome Reading: shoring up the credit system (maybe?); figuring out where the government accounts for school lunches; John McCain wrestles Teddy Roosevelt; a historian misreads the Glass-Steagall act, and looking ahead to the debates. Warning (as if you couldn't tell): Politics!

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